“Why is Gay Dating So Difficult?” for DatingAdvice.com

Dating in the modern age has proven to be like navigating uncharted and unpredictable waters rather than driving on a solid road.

Many men seem to have more dating woes than dating highs, so here are my top seven reasons why dating for some people can be a difficult journey.

1. Differing Relationship Goals and Timelines

In my professional matchmaking experience, a lot of gay men operate on an out clause, meaning they want an easy way out of a relationship. In case things get a little uncomfortable for them, they can bail without having to claim responsibility for wasting someone’s time.

These men only want something casual, and that is perfectly fine as long as both parties have that expectation. Gay men who have done their relationship homework have a sense of their own time and their date’s time and will make a plan with follow-through. They have taken the time to formulate their own relationship timeline and wish to date someone whose path meshes with theirs.

2. Competing Personalities, Interests, and Lifestyles

Would you define yourself as a gregarious and sociable person? Or would you define yourself as someone who enjoys being at home alone with a good book and cooking your own dinner? The balance of introversion and extroversion is a key element to a relationship’s success.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a matchmaking client tell me, “I don’t want to date someone who wants to be out all the time.” Over the years, I have found that most gay men are more frequently ambiverts, a mixture of the two. In most cases, a relationship in which one of the partners has extreme opinions about something doesn’t bode well for its longevity.

For example, I’m not a big animal lover. In past relationships, I found myself either allergic to someone’s pet, or I realized that caring for a dog required an extreme amount of attention and me working around someone else’s schedule. I felt there was an imbalance that wasn’t up for negotiation.

I can speak for Los Angeles gay men, having lived here for over a decade. Many LA gay men who have been single for a while have pets. They will try to convince me that their pet is an exception to many preconceived notions I had. But I found that, in most cases, I was proven right — and having a pet in a relationship just wasn’t a match for me. You can substitute that dealbreaking scenario with someone being vegan, or someone having a rigorous physical fitness regimen, or someone having a time-consuming travel schedule.

Both partners in a relationship must agree on respecting each other’s dealbreakers, otherwise sustaining the relationship will be fraught with difficulty.

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