Most people in relationships will go through sexual attraction ebbs and flows. As a matchmaking professional, I’ve noticed how one person in a partnership will often be drawn more intensely to the other party. As time progresses, the balance of attraction will switch.
One of my close friends recently said it best, “It’s good to have your boyfriend miss you.” He probably said this as he felt he was doing more of the work to keep the relationship alive. General life experiences and everyday stress can change the energy or chemistry between two people over time.
One of my first ever matchmaking mentors told me about her theory that we as humans go through many soulmates in a lifetime. If we’re lucky, we learn that each relationship has to have a particular balance for it to last.
Just in case you find yourself in a trough with your relationship, here are my top four ways to keep things hot and exciting.
1. Be Adventuresome in Your Sex Life
Once I accepted the fact that I could be a sexual being as a gay person despite my religious upbringing, I quickly learned that sexual conversations don’t have to be embarrassing.
In my early 20s, I remember my first boyfriend calling me out because I looked at pornography but avoided discussing the subject with him. I felt like I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. He told his therapist about it, and he came to the conclusion that I must have felt ashamed of my sexuality. Now that I look back on it, I really was coming into that phase of my life where I was just feeling comfortable being naked with another gay man. I didn’t feel sexually attractive, so I’m sure my boyfriend didn’t think I was sexually attracted to him.
All that emotional baggage can make sex tiresome or even monotonous. Sometimes sex is like making the time to go to the gym. The initial task of putting on your workout clothes, packing a water bottle, and driving to the gym seems a bit cumbersome, but once you’re done working out, you feel amazing.
To feel sexually attractive, you must make it a priority to be sexually active with your partner. Just like when you’re learning a new exercise, you may feel like you’re doing it all wrong, but at least you and your partner can learn and laugh together.
Try something new in the bedroom — you never know whether this new thing can invigorate your relationship.
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